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Exploring BDSM with Mx Tomie: A Pro-Domme’s Perspective

SWCEO Interviews Mx Tomie

Blog Post Written By: MelRose Michaels

 

MelRose Michaels sat down with Mx Tomie in a recent Twitter Space conversation to discuss her journey into Pro-Domme work, insights into the industry, BDSM client dynamics, and more.


Mx Tomie is a NYC-based Taiwanese dominatrix traveling internationally. She began in-person in 2019 professionally at a Brooklyn dungeon, went independent in 2020, and just a year ago began the digital domination side of her empire. She now owns her own personal clip site mxtomie.digital and produces kink and fetish content for her Onlyfans (lovingly dubbed TomieFans by her subs). She’s been featured in Hustlers, XBiz, and IWantClips and was nominated as Best Fetish Creator of the Year at the 2024 XBiz Miami Creator Awards. Tomie is a huge nerd in her downtime and loves reading, watching anime, reading manga, and diving into her current sci-fi obsession.



Melrose Michaels: Mx Tomie, thank you for hanging out with me today. Also, I need to know what you are currently obsessed with sci-fi-wise. I just watched Dark Matter on Apple TV, and I am in love with it.


Mx Tomie: Hi, thanks for having me here. I hosted a book club on my OnlyFans, and I'm currently reading The Incal. It's a comic series, and it's been really fun.


Melrose Michaels: Oh, I'm obsessed. That’s awesome, and a book club? That’s so cool.


Mx Tomie: Yeah, I have a lot of nerds on my OnlyFans. In between the sexy lives, I also have a lot of chill lives where I just hang out with people. The book clubs have been very popular.


Melrose Michaels: That's so unexpected. I love that you give them a bit of your real life and your real hobbies and interests. I think that's so important.


Mx Tomie: I think a part of this is that because I came from the in-person space, I prioritize connecting with subs. Especially when dealing with kinks and fetishes that can be really heavy, like degradation and humiliation, it’s even more important to balance that with a safe headspace where we can just talk as friends.


Melrose Michaels: Yeah, that makes me think of the whole aftercare and some of those components of Domme work. Maybe we could start this with a little background on you for anyone who's listening and not familiar with you or your work. What inspired you to become a professional dominatrix, and how did that journey begin?


Mx Tomie: I’ve always been a kind of kinky weirdo. My first turn-on and this is my earliest memory, was when I was younger than 10. It was the scene in The Matrix where Neo had the metal bug going into his belly button, and he’s screaming and his mouth disappears. Images like that have always been implanted in me. Throughout high school, vanilla sex was never that interesting to me, but if there was rope involved or someone was begging, I would get really interested. So it was a natural progression. In college, I went on FetLife and started meeting couples and people, exploring BDSM. When I moved to New York and saw the New York kink scene, which is the biggest in the U.S., I knew I had to try the dungeon, and I loved it.


Melrose Michaels: That’s amazing. I love that you brought up the Neo scene from The Matrix because I saw that you did a reel about it on your social media. I think it's cool how you can pinpoint a moment where something resonated like that for you. A lot of creators or performers have a similar experience, so that's really telling that it made such an impression on you.


Mx Tomie: Yeah, I think kinky people are wired a little differently.


Melrose Michaels: Are there memorable experiences from your career that shaped the Dom you’ve become today?


Mx Tomie: The first memorable experience was probably my first client in the dungeon. The dungeon format was fast-paced, walk-in situations. When I’m working independently, there’s an extensive intake form, vetting process, and a scheduled console call. In the dungeon, I remember flogging my first client and realizing there was chemistry despite knowing only his name. It was liberating to see that you can have intense D/s dynamics within a confined space and a short period.


I’ve also had amazing subs throughout my career. The first sub I saw in 2019 is still with me today, exclusive to me. Every career change, every style change, he’s been there, supporting me. I really appreciate the close cohort of people I’ve built deep relationships with.


Melrose Michaels: I love that you brought that up. I have fans who have seen a lot of evolutions in my career, from premium Snapchat model to clip creator to fan site model. When you talk about those day-one subs who’ve stayed with you, is there something you’d attribute to that depth of relationship?


Mx Tomie: I try to always do right by my submissives and do things ethically, even if it means making short-term decisions that aren’t commercially good. I value time and attention as much as monetary support and work within their limitations and boundaries. Understanding how to navigate kinks and fetishes responsibly, including aftercare, has helped me build long-term sustainable relationships. I’m passionate about this work, constantly learning and honing my skills. My subs see that and want to support someone who’s genuinely invested.


Melrose Michaels: You mentioned making short-term decisions that might not be commercially good long-term. Can you give an example?


Mx Tomie: Because I prioritize human connection, my business isn’t eternally scalable. I have to decide whether to scale up or keep closer connections. I’ve chosen to expand very slowly, prioritizing quality over quantity. This approach has been fulfilling for me and my audience.


Melrose Michaels: That makes so much sense. You also talked about staying within the submissive boundaries and meeting them there. I have fans who aren’t big spenders but provide value in other ways, like engagement or helping with tasks. I think every fan is valuable if they’re not draining your energy. I love that you brought that up.


Mx Tomie: Absolutely. Because I’ve taken this approach, I’ve had wonderful surprises like fans making memes of me or talking positively about me on BDSM threads. I’ve also had commissioned artwork done for me. These unexpected gestures come from the strong relationships I’ve built with my audience.


Melrose Michaels: That’s amazing. Your commitment to your audience shows in the quality of your business. Speaking of your business, how do you see the BDSM community evolving, especially in New York?


Mx Tomie: The scene changed a bit after COVID. Some old dungeons closed, but new ones popped up. The BDSM scene in New York is still burgeoning with munches, kink parties, and events. There’s always a fresh set of clientele and ideas flowing in, which keeps the scene vibrant.


Melrose Michaels: That must be convenient for in-person Domme work. How do you handle the misconceptions people have about BDSM or professional domination?


Mx Tomie: One big misconception is that the Domme is always service topping. While some do service top, most Dommes center their own pleasure within the work. It’s important for subs to do their research on the Domme style to find someone who aligns with their needs. I also create personalized experiences by understanding the sub’s headspace, kinks, and limits through an extensive intake form and consultation call. This helps me craft a session tailored to their desires and my own pleasure.


Melrose Michaels: That’s fantastic advice. I hadn’t thought about the importance of research and chemistry. How do you balance your personal and professional life, especially with the depth of rapport you build with your submissives?


Mx Tomie: I had a bit of burnout last year when I transitioned to digital work. Now, I have an audience that respects my need for personal time. If I say I’m taking a month off, they wait for me. I’ve cultivated an audience that prioritizes my well-being. I also have a big team to help me manage my workload, allowing me to carve out personal time.


Melrose Michaels: That’s so important. Your fans’ respect for your time speaks volumes about the quality of your business. For those interested in becoming Dommes or expanding into the kink and fetish space, what advice would you give?


Mx Tomie: Don’t copy another Domme’s style. Figure out who you are and what your dominance looks like. Lean into what makes you unique. Also, be careful of subs who weaponize BDSM language to take advantage of you. Know your boundaries and honor them. Ensure you have savings so you can say no when needed. Your time is invaluable.


Melrose Michaels: That’s fantastic advice. Filtering out the right audience and maintaining your boundaries is crucial. Thank you so much, Tomie, for taking the time to share your insights.


 

Some parts of the above interview have been condensed or edited for clarity. Listen to the entire Twitter space for the full interview.


Find Mx Tomie on Instagram and Twitter.


Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in the interview are those of the guest speaker and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of SexWorkCEO or MelRose Michaels. Anything said or written is of their opinion and is not intended to malign any religion, ethnic group, club, organization, company, individual, or anyone else.



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